She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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