You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
