I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
