forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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