i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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