K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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