I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
