Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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