I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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