It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize