I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
