The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
