You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
