Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
