i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I look excited, but its just a facade.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
