I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
