I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
