ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
