I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
