dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
