My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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