the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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