she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
