I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
