my mouth tastes like poor choices
even my farts smell like vagina
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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