Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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