I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
