That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You don't make any sense
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