Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
