It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize