So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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