I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
