he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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