I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
