By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
