Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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