Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
