After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
