we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
