I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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