You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
