I wanna bring you to show and tell
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
