i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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