Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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