Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
