I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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