Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow

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(646): View more from New York

I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey

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(815): View more from Illinois

Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.

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(607): View more from New York

Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.

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(716): View more from New York

you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.

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