I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it's great music for shaving your balls
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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