It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
