I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
