Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
