PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
