shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
