JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
