dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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