I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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