This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
