My pussy is not your playground.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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