I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
