So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
