Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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