and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize