Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
