So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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