I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
