Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You are the jesus of drinking
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
