biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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