So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
how does that bad decision feel?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize