PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
