What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
