Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize