Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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