why didn't you poke me back
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
