But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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