Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
