HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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