Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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