i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
