If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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